Difficult Conversations:
How Do We Discuss What Really Matters?
Each difficult conversation is made up of three, distinct conversations: 1. the What Happened? Conversation; 2. the Feelings Conversation; and 3. the Identity Conversation. In the What Happened Conversation we make three common errors: the truth assumption, the intention invention, and the blame frame. Each error must be addressed in order to move forward. The Feelings Conversation: Feelings must be addressed to resolve the problem. Having a difficult conversation without talking about the feelings is like having an opera without music. The Identity Conversation is about what I am saying to myself about me. It may cause me to lose confidence, lose concentration, or even forget what I want to say. In extreme cases, it can paralyze me physically and emotionally.

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